The term ‘bunny boiler’ derives from the classic 1987 film, Fatal Attraction - starring Michael Douglas and Glenn Close. Who could forget the scene where the family rabbit met it’s death in a saucepan?
According to the Collins English Dictionary, a bunny boiler is defined as: A woman, who is considered to be emotionally unstable and likely to be dangerously vengeful.
So how does a bloke go about keeping his life, bunny boiler free? Unfortunately bunny boilers don’t come with a label like other toxic substances. But there are definitely red flags and warning signs that tend to emerge before the third date.
You don’t even know her and she’s talking lifelong commitment
A bunny boiler doesn’t understand the meaning of ‘taking things slow’. You haven’t even kissed her yet and she’s chosen the names of your unborn children. Run!
She contacts you non-stop
You’ve just dropped her home after your first date and she’s already sent you 5 texts, left you 2 voicemail messages and written you an email. This is the beginning of the end.
She isolates you from friends and family
She hasn’t met your friends or family but it’s apparent she doesn’t like them. A bunny boiler will attempt to isolate you, so she can have you all to herself.
She has serious trust issues
Bunny boilers are incredibly paranoid and struggle with trust. They check your phone. Hack your social media. And follow you in their car. It’s most similar to being under house arrest.
She loves to fuck more than any other girl you know
It’s quite possible that this woman is the best fuck of your life. You’ve only caught up with her twice and already you’ve explored more sex positions and kinks than in your last 2 long-term relationships. Crazy women are the best in bed. Cest la vie!
She’s jealous of your existing friendships with other women
She has no rationale when it comes to you and other females. The mere mention of another woman stands her arse-hairs on end.
She’s a control freak
Bunny boilers try and control your entire life -- who you see, where you go and what you say. Controlling YOUR life gives them a sense of calm
She throws a tantrum when she doesn’t get her own way
She’s a princess, actress and victim all rolled into one. You hardly know her yet she’s already chucking ‘tanties’. Yep, it’s time to cut her loose, no matter how good the pussy is.
She starts appearing randomly
She joins your gym, arrives at your work and is waiting on your front doorstep when you arrive home from a meeting. Dangerzone!
Your family rabbit goes missing
Fluffy isn’t in her cage and your son hasn’t seen her. Have you checked the stove?
Hopefully from now on, you’ll be able to spot a bunny boiler. You really don’t need this kind of stress in your life. Firm, non-reactive and defiant is the best way to deal with one.
This column was originally published in a British newspaper.
Sex robots get a bad rap.
They’ve been labelled unethical and blamed for perpetuating a culture that objectifies women. Many ethicists are concerned that their lifelike appearance and fully functioning genitals pose a threat to romantic love and human relationships.
But sex robots are here to stay. They’re no longer a fantasy from science fiction. They’re the real deal. Welcome to Westworld.
But what are the benefits of sex robots? And can they advance humanity positively?
Empowerment For Men and Women
The feminists have their pubes in a knot because they believe sex robots epitomise patriarchy.
Kathleen Turner, a fellow in ethics of robotics at De Montfort University in the U.K, created a Campaign Against Sex Robots. Her campaign states that sex robots objectify women and equates the relationship between sex-bot and owner to that of a sex-worker and a client.
The campaign fails to acknowledge that many sex workers love their work and choose their occupation. It also fails to acknowledge that male sex robots already exist to be objectified by female customers and gay men.
Karley Sciortino, author of Vogue’s Breathless column, recently described her experience with a male sex-bot:
“We always assume men are more likely to enjoy sleeping with an object and that women need an emotional connection to enjoy themselves, but that isn’t the case. With a sex-bot you can learn how to make ‘sex’ work for you.and that’s an empowering thing for a woman.”
Prevention of Rape
Recently, there’s been outrage over a sex robot called the Roxxxy TrueCompanion which you can simulate raping with a flick of a switch.
Various personalities of the ‘Roxxxy TrueCompanion’ include, ‘S & M Susan’, ‘Wild Wendy’ and ‘Frigid Farrah’ -- who doesn’t appreciate your advances when you touch her anatomy.
The company’s website states that their robots “allow everyone to realise their most private sexual dreams."
I’m a rape survivor. In April I performed my one-woman-show about my rape on the West End. I think the fact that a company has created a sex-robot that simulates rape is progressive and evolved.
We can pretend to live in a fantasy land where rape and rape fantasies don’t exist. But the fact is they do. And as a person who has experienced rape, I would prefer a person explore their fantasy with a sex-bot than a human.
Prevention of Pedophilia
Child sex robots exist. And there’s been a call to have them banned.
It would be wonderful to live in a world without pedophilia. A world where innocent children weren’t preyed upon by lustful men but we don’t.
In psychology, it’s believed that ‘pedophilia’ is a fixed sexual orientation. Which means when psychologists counsel pedophiles, they don’t seek to eliminate a pedophile’s attraction to children, they seek to train them to control their urges.
Child sex robots could serve as an outlet for those with this sexual orientation and keep our kids safe.
Sex robots could be used to provide companionship and sexual relief to a cross-section of society. They could help couples manage long-distance relationships and give company to the elderly in aged care facilities.
Let’s be honest. This panicked frenzy over sex robots reveals the public’s uneasiness with sex and technology. Similar panic has arisen over online porn, vibrators and the almighty sybian. But rarely is technology between the sheets something to fear.
I plan to start saving my pennies for a sex robot. But at the price they currently sell at, I won’t own one until 2027.
Before you ditch the leftover cake and wipe off another year, let’s explore the possibilities for blistering, unadulterated birthday sex...
Jokes are plentiful when discussing birthday sex. There’s the infamous ‘birthday blowjob’ that comes once a year. Then there’s the ‘birthday shag’ -- a popular event amongst non-newlyweds.
But for those searching for some serious birthday action. I’ve constructed a list of ‘10 HOT sex ideas’ which will skyrocket your birthday-bang to new heights.
For Her Birthday:
1). Marathon Sex
It’s time to go hard or go home. You have four goals.
A recent study conducted by The Australian Study of Health and Relationships found that 92% of men and only 66% of women orgasmed during sex. So, if you’re unable to transform into a genie on her birthday and grant 3 sexual wishes -- you ain’t much chop!
Whilst gifting your birthday girl, don’t forget to voice how important it is that she climaxes. Just hearing these supportive words could set her off.
Birthday blindfolding is the bomb! Sensory deprivation heightens one’s senses. She’ll feel every flick of your tongue. She’ll feel every wiggle of your finger as you dip it into her pussy. Arouse her until she’s begging you to enter.
4). Sex Clubs
This will require a bit of pre-birthday research. But if your birthday girl is broadminded. Sex clubs can be a great place to celebrate.
The sex club allows individuals to be observers. Having a few cocktails and being a voyeur isn’t a bad way to spend one’s time. You can save the hot birthday sex for home.
Never heard of it? Let me give you the heads-up. Figging is a popular practice in bdsm circles. It involves inserting a piece of skinned ginger into the vagina or anus. It’s believed figging began when a ginger finger was used in a woman’s anus whilst being caned -- to prevent her from clenching her buttocks.
I’m yet to try anal figging but I’m a regular vaginal figger and it’s HOT as in temperature
(oh-fuck-hot) and desire (please-fuck-the-absolute-shit-out-of-me-hot).
If she’s not keen on trying a whole finger of ginger. How about cutting a small slice and
putting it on her clit. Happy Birthday Baby!
For His Birthday: (Leave this page open, so she sees it..)
Fuck woman, you’ve got to suck his dick, it’s his birthday. It’s called manners!
But if you really wanna make it a special occasion, the food-based-blowjob is what you need. I find food-based-blowjobs so hot, not only for him...but for me.
They are the only kind of birthday sex I’m recommending. Because quite simply, it’s the
only kind of birthday sex he’ll ever need.
6). Marshmallow BJ
You’ll need two marshmallows, you put one inside each cheek, allow them to get a bit wet and get him to squeeze his cock into the tight-spaced-heaven that is your mouth-hole. You may need to replace them with a new set of marshmallows as they disintegrate but it’s a party in your mouth.
7). Pop Rocks BJ
Yes, that carbonated candy that fizzes as it dissolves in your mouth is GREAT for use during blowjobs and guys love the sensations. Definitely worth the experience, if only once!
8). Whipped Cream BJ
Is there anything sexier than squirting whipped cream over an erect cock then slowly licking it off? Meow.
9). Flavored Lube BJ
I’ll be honest, I’m not personally a fan of flavored lube but I’ve worked in sex shops and it’s popular with the ladies. Many swear by flavored lube blowjobs. So I’m outvoted it seems. Make the decision for yourself on his birthday.
10). Birthday Cake BJ
Don’t ditch the leftover birthday cake. It now has a purpose god-damn-it.
So that’s birthday sex done and dusted, finishing on a high note of food-based-blowjobs. I’ll catch you round, I’m off to find myself a man who’s having a birthday.
Science tells us that men are more amorous throughout the winter months. According to researchers, men’s hormone-levels fluctuate seasonally causing them to crave more crumpet when the temperature is cold.
More kiddies are conceived in the colder months too with scientists claiming that crisp air improves the quality of sperm, which explains the higher birth rates. So with all that said and done, if you’re looking to keep your sex-life steamy throughout this Aussie winter -- read on and get yourself climatised.
There’s nothing quite like being banged in a sauna -- whether you’re the banger or the bangee. Dry-sauna-sex really turns up the heat of passion and gets the juices flowing -- not to mention the pheromones that are released during sweaty and spicy sex. Doggy, missionary or cowgirl are all possible positions in the dry-sauna. You may enter the sauna with the intention of melting away the winter-chill but you should only exit the sauna, post-orgasm.
The Hot Tub
Is there anything sexier than chilling out in a hot tub with a glass of champagne and a hot naked babe beside you? I should think not! Hot tubs placate the muscles and the mind whilst keeping the body warm on those nippy winter evenings.
Shagging in water is a different sensation compared to shagging dry. But it can be electric once you relax into it.
A nice entree to hot-tub-banging is to start with oral sex where one partner remains inside the tub and the other perches themselves outside. Rawr.
The 24-hour Laundromat
I’ve been fucked on top of a dryer a few times at home and ONCE against a dryer in a laundromat. The trifecta.
Screwing in a 24-hour laundromat is the fantasy of all fantasies and I speak from experience. As your combined sweats, delicates and work-clothes spin themselves toasty and dry on a 30-minute cycle -- you have a warm and very public fuck. Who knows? You might find yourself an audience and get a standing ovation. Insert clapping. Brava! Brava!
The Department Store Change Room
Having sex in a department store change room very rarely makes sex-list articles, which is a shame because it’s HOT. People often seek refuge in department stores when they’re out and about in winter, to warm their bones. But on the subject of bone-warming, I suggest you mischievously sneak into a change room with your partner and a stack of clothes. It’s definitely a sexual experience to try on for size.
I know that fucking in front of a fireplace is quite cliched and ‘very Hollywood’ but the fact is -- it’s very comfortable and accessible when experimenting sexually in winter.
It doesn’t have to be boring or romantic. It can be hot and filthy. Share a bottle of wine. Throw a rug and some cushions down on the carpet. Break out the lube, the handcuffs and the tappette. Create some body heat porn-star style.
Winter sex doesn’t have to be monotonous sex done under the duvet with our PJ’s on. It has the possibility of being just as scorching as summertime sex. All it requires is little bit of creativity and a whole lotta inclination.
What is it with blokes and morning sex?
I’ll be having a nice peaceful sleep and I’ll feel a boner jabbing into my back. I’ll be having a nice peaceful sleep and I’ll feel a hand fingering my cunt. I’ll be having a nice peaceful sleep and I’ll feel my arse and breasts being groped. Men LOVE to shag at the break of dawn and that’s a fact. Yet most women prefer to shag at dusk. “Men build up testosterone overnight, which boosts their coital instincts in the A.M”, says Ph.D. and sex-therapist -- Tammy Nelson.
That’s great guys! You wanna unload -- I totally get it.
But there’s things women will NEVER understand about men and ‘the morning fuck’. So listen up and help us understand.
Why don’t men care about morning breath?
It’s the million-dollar-question that all women want to know. Shouldn’t it concern you that our mouths smell like we’ve just licked a ceiling? Obviously not. Whilst you might not care about butt-breath -- let me tell you, women do!
Can’t you at least wait until we’ve cleaned our teeth or grabbed some mints from the bedside table? Sheesh.
If you can’t wait to get it in, I suggest the spoon-dog position. This will make your partner feel a whole-lot-more obliging, trust me! Plus, it’s a surefire way to give her a g-spot orgasm -- that’s my definition of ‘breakfast in bed’.
I realise you’ve just woken up and your cock is rock hard. I also realise there’s a woman’s pussy lying next to you, that you’d like to stick’ it into. Bravo.
But just wait a moment., you’ve just woken her up but she’s busting for a piss. Women wake up with a full bladder in the morning. The same muscles necessary to stop urinary flow are the muscles that control orgasm. Be a gentleman and let the poor woman urinate before you jump on her.
Can somebody tell me what the rush is with blokes and their morning-shag-routine?
I’ve literally woken up with a cock thrusting inside of me on many occasions -- (I actually thoroughly enjoyed it but that’s not the point).
Can’t you wait ten minutes? Like, until we wake up? ...and have some caffeine.
Or do you blokes like to fuck a zombie-starfish? Which leads me to my next question…
No Gymnastics Before 10am
Many-a-man believes he can wake a woman up for morning sex, then expect her to be a contortionist or show him her gymnastic skills. Here’s a tip: It’s not happening buddy!
You want to fuck her before coffee, before a shower and before minty breath? Well, then you have to settle for zombie-starfishes and low-key, low-energy positions like spooning.
Yep, that’s all you’re getting. Be grateful.
Long live the zombie-starfish.
Obviously, morning sex is very primal for men. So worrying about cleanliness or the fact that your female partner has just opened her peepers, is the last thing on your mind.
No offense guys but women like to feel confident about themselves when they have sex.
You know? Sexy!
We don’t feel very sexy when our eyes are sewn together by sleep-crust and we’ve been drooling on our pillow like Homer Simpson all night.
Allowing us a quick shower to freshen up would be much appreciated but hey, you seem to have the inability to wait for some reason. So again, I advise the spoon-dog.
Morning sex can be a great start to the day for both men and women -- with just a little bit of compromise!
There’s nothing more arousing than when a man brings a sex-toy into the bedroom to use it on his woman -- and hopefully that woman is me. I love to explore sexual pleasure with a variety of clitoral and g-spot vibrators. But when a male partner spontaneously brings a sex-toy into my boudoir -- my wetness skyrockets to a whole new level.
As far as I’m concerned, sex-toys are the greatest accessory to a healthy sex life. They inspire kink, playfulness and dual exploration. They feed men knowledge about the female roadmap and unlock secrets that haven’t yet been revealed.
But how does a man go about introducing a sex-toy into the bedroom? Is there protocols? Is there a handbook? Is there a secret ‘God of Dildos’ who divulges these answers? Unfortunately not.
But thankfully, sex-toys aren’t the taboo subject they once were. Female sexual pleasure has finally gone mainstream and so it fucking should have. Pleasure products for women are not only available online and in sex-shops. But women can now purchase them at selected chemists and supermarkets -- which is both necessary and progressive.
Men often ask me how they should introduce a sex-toy during intimacy. They also ask for ‘tips’on how to pleasure a woman with a toy. So, I’ve decided to collate a list. It will have your woman SCREAMING out in pleasure in no time. It will also score you 978 brownie points.
If you’re looking to spice up your sex sessions or provide your female sex partner with even MORE pleasure. Communication is your ‘number 1’ stop. These are some of the questions that you should be asking:
Does your partner enjoy using sex-toys?
Would she feel comfortable exploring this realm with you?
What turns her on and what doesn’t?
Does she prefer clitoral sex-toys or g-spot sex toys?
After a dialogue has been opened up -- that’s when the real fun begins!
‘Variety is the spice of life’ is a term we often here bandied around in reference to the monotony of everyday living. It first appeared in William Cowper’s poem ‘The Task’ in 1785.That poem was written 232 years ago and it’s meaning is no less relevant today, especially when it comes to SEX.
Nothing kills a sex-life more than repetitiveness. Exciting sex lives require work. They require spice and spontaneity is the answer.
Why not purchase a sex-toy for your partner as a gift? She could unwrap it in gift-wrap. Or you could unwrap it in the bedroom and surprise her... I think you should go for the latter!
‘Cliteracy’ is a term that was coined by New York conceptual artist Sophia Wallace. Basically, it means being knowledgeable about the clitoris and how it works. The clit is the only human organ designed entirely for sexual pleasure. It has 8000 nerve endings.
If you’ve purchased a clitoral sex-toy for your woman, apply the vibe on her clit whilst your
fucking her, (or in the lead-up to fucking her). Clitoral toys can also be used alongside vaginal vibrators, which will give her a blended orgasm, (both g-spot and clitoral together). Meow.
G-SPOT SEX TOYS
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy clitoral orgasms but I LOVE g-spot orgasms. I have a large collection of g-spot vibrators that keep me happy and healthy. You need to learn where the g-spot is. There’s a heap of info online about how to find a woman’s g-spot. And once you find it -- the heavens will open up to you.
PS: And don’t forget the lube! (to begin with...you won’t need it after that.)
As a woman who LOVES watching porn. I was hoping that the female-visitor ratio to Pornhub would be higher. It seems many women still feel conflicted about porn. They choose not to view it and feel uncomfortable when their male partners do. Having a female partner that doesn’t understand your porn usage can cause unnecessary stress. Below are some tips on the best way to explain your porn habit to her.
Facts come in handy when you’re defending your porn habit. How can any woman argue with a billion years of evolution? Men aren’t designed to be monogamous. They are designed to spread their seed and procreate. Men can’t fuck every woman they desire. So, porn gives men the variety and experimentation they crave without literally having to go elsewhere. Sharing this fact with your woman could bail you out of the naughty corner!
HOW CAN HE LOVE ME AND WATCH PORN?
This is the big question on many women’s lips.
Men’s brains are wired differently. Men tend to compartmentalise. Think of a tool box. (pardon the pun). Work goes in one box, family goes in another, friends go in another -- you catch my drift. But none of these boxes actually touch one another. In short, pornography goes into one of their boxes. To them, it stands alone and has no connection to love or relationships.
Reassuring your female partner/s that one has nothing to do with the other will make your life easier in the long run.
Sometimes the best way to explain your porn habit to her is to get her to join in on the fun. Find appropriate porn-clips which coincide with what turns her on sexually. I love watching porn with my male partners. It’s a great entree to sex and can often heighten the experience for all.
PORN IS ABOUT THE “ACTION”
For most men, porn is about the action of sexual acts. It’s about obtaining instantaneous sexual gratification. In most cases, once a male ejaculates -- the porn film is turned off and life goes on. Many women fail to understand this and make assumptions. Assumptions about men’s intimate feelings towards the porn-actress, etc. Explaining how porn actually works for men can clear up a lot of misunderstanding.
PORN DOES NOT DEGRADE WOMEN
A lot of women stay clear of porn because they believe it is degrading. I believe degradation comes down to perspective. I enjoy a lot of sexual acts shown in porn which are considered degrading to women. But if I enjoy performing a sexual act and do so consensually, how on earth can it be degrading to me? There are thousands of great youtube clips and articles by sex-educators, exploring this topic more thoroughly. Perhaps information like this should be shared with your female partner to give a more balanced view?
No man should have to feel shame about his love and usage of porn. Communication with female partner/s on the ifs, buts and hows can turn a bumpy ride into a smooth one.
Vanessa de Largie has been the monthly sex-columnist for Maxim Magazine's print issue since February 2017.