My day began at 4am with two cups of strong coffee and some gratitude journalling.
Between 4.15am - 4.45am I was doing an indoor aerobics workout in my living room.
And at 4.50am until 6am, I was sitting on the curb drinking tea and taking photographs and videos of the Lunar Eclipse.
This morning as I sat with the moon. I became really philosophical.
I was so moved by the moment, I couldn't stop crying.
I've actually experienced a similar moment before..
It happened on New Years Eve 2000 -- The New Millennium. I was 22 and I wanted to change my life so much.
As I stood at The Royal Perth Yacht Club in my 1940s beaded dress and rosebud curls, watching the fireworks -- surrounded by thousands of others..
I felt like I was by myself watching the fireworks.
I had an intuitive inner-knowing that my life was about to change in an irreversible way.
And it did:
In the year 2000:
I lived on the streets for nearly three weeks all up.
I would spread my legs so I had somewhere to stay, on cold nights.
By my third week in Melbourne, I had landed the lead role in a professional play at La Mama theatre and found a room in a share house.
My life has two acts.
They are two VERY DIFFERENT Vanessa's.
But this morning had a rare beauty about it.
Once again, I had an intuitive inner knowing that my life IS about to change in a big way.
I was so PRESENT and accepting and peaceful, hence the tears.
At the start of the year. I didn't even want to live anymore. I had allowed circumstances, people and financial hardship to push me down.
And here I am 6 months later after a wonderful month travelling Vietnam.
The sun has entered my life again.
My confidence is back.
I feel mentally and physically STRONG.
And doors are opening.
I will grab every opportunity that is presented to me in the upcoming months.
I am becoming who I am.
Every single morning with my second cup of coffee. I write down 10 things that I am grateful for.
Starting the day with gratitude helps to keep my mind positive and makes me realise how fortunate I am.
Today I am making my gratitude list public.
I am grateful to my brother Paul for a suggestion he made a few months back.
I am grateful that I live in an apartment that has heating.
I am grateful that I got to spend the last night of my Dad's life with him.
I am grateful to all the female libertines throughout history. Just the knowledge that you existed once, helps keep me sane.
I am grateful for science.
I am grateful to Dr. Bernie Seigel and his work.
I am grateful that I followed my intuition and didn't marry or have children in my 20s or 30s. It was the RIGHT decision for me.
I am grateful that all were saved in the Thai Cave rescue.
I am grateful for porn.
I am grateful for every single day that I am granted. My life is a blessing.
I am grateful for Arch - Angels.
I'm so very happy. May has been the PERFECT month.
I've just received my visa for Vietnam. I'm getting my shots done on Monday.
I'm going to Sapa, Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh, Hoi An, Nha Trang, Phu Quoc Island and have booked myself on to a luxury cruise for three nights in Halong Bay. It's considered the best cruise in Vietnam. The room and package comes with a butler. Just what every girl needs. :)
I will be posting photos and diary entries on my travel blog.
Career-wise things have been incredible. Editors have been coming to me for erotic content work. I've been successfully selling columns to Australian and overseas mags/newspapers.
Nam can't come quick enough. Whenever I feel stressed out. I just think, very soon, you'll be sitting on the beach eating seafood and drinking cheap beers. LET IT ALL GO.
I am slowly changing my life and building my stairway to the stars. It's only taken 41 years..
The most important thing is that I improve on yesterday and that I am authentically happy. And right now, I can say I AM authentically happy.
My late mum and dad would be so proud of my progress and guts. Here's to them for raising me and telling me EVERY SINGLE DAY that I could achieve anything I put my mind to.
It was the best foundation any child could ever have.
I am feeling so peaceful and happy in myself today.
This morning I've been reading the work and philosophies of the wonderful Byron Katie.
And after finding this quote above by Byron.
I have decided to write a blog affirming all the things I like about ME -- Vanessa de Largie.
My name is Vanessa de Largie.