Every 28 days, I think about writing this letter but then a chocolate craving takes over and I forget. As I marched into the bathroom this morning to deal with my bleeding cunt, I was confronted with one of your odd-spot facts.
For men who are reading this and wondering what I'm on about - let me educate you.
When the painters arrive, women use tampons and pads to mop up the spills. Libra add something extra to the sanitary experience, they place a list of facts (known as 'odd-spot facts') on each sanitary napkin. I wish I was making this up.
This morning as I hovered in the bathroom over my love-heart knickers, I received two odd-spot facts on my sanitary napkin:
'Chickens will not walk on ice'
'Green tea has 50% more vitamin C than black tea'
But it doesn't stop there, there's a list of 10-15 facts on the wrapper too. Period time has become a fucking history lesson!
Libra, I ask you in all seriousness. At what point during an advertising/marketing meeting, did someone pitch 'fun facts for menstruating women' ?
And at what point did Libra agree that this was a good idea?
Is this your idea of a joke? Is Libra by any chance run by men who want revenge at angry and spiteful menstrual females? I do not believe that any woman could come up with an idea so sinister.
If it was a 'she' - please give me her name and address, so I can head over there today and give her a piece of my mind.
Let me give you some facts dearest Libra. Women do not need to learn whilst menstruating. Your facts on your sanitary products are condescending and absolutely absurd.
This time of the month is hard enough for females - the cravings, the bitch-face hormones, the fluid retention, the period cramps, the fatigue, the weight gain. Arghhhhhhhhhh.
You aren't going to get rid of the facts are you? You enjoy this cruel joke. Well dearest Libra, you're the loser because I am changing brands.
You've lost my business. You've lost my bleeding cunt. And that's a fact!
Anyway, I must sign off now. I need to go and fill my face with chocolate and look at my fat arse in the mirror.
Vanessa de Largie