If you are wondering how to turn him on this Valentine's Day. Here are my suggestions.
1. FILM YOURSELF MASTURBATING & SEND IT TO HIS PHONE
I'm yet to come across any man who doesn't appreciate a video of a woman masturbating and cumming. Not only is it fun to send to him. It's fun to film. Get creative! I use the film-camera on my phone. It does the job. (cough).
2. HIRE AN ESCORT & WATCH HIM FUCK HER BRAINS OUT
There's something incredibly hot about watching the man you love fuck another woman. If you have voyeuristic tendencies like me, then perhaps this would be a good Valentine's Day plan.
3. GIVE HIM BREAKFAST & HEAD
A jug of good coffee, a tray of pastries AND a blowjob. #winning
4. GIVE HIM AN EROTIC MASSAGE & A BLOWJOB
I love giving erotic massages. They definitely improve intimacy. Candles, wine and sensuality. What a beautiful way to celebrate the day.
5. VISIT A SEX SHOP TOGETHER & PURCHASE SOME GOODIES
There are some stunning sex-shops around now. No seediness. It's so much fun going sex-shopping with a partner. You could buy dress-ups, bondage equipment, new vibrators, massage oils, paddles, a sex boardgame. The list is endless. Have fun!
If you live in Melbourne, I recommend Passionfruit: The Sensuality Shop on Bridge Rd, Richmond. I worked there in 2014. Beautiful store and beautiful owners!
6. FIND A BABYSITTER & HAVE A CHILDFREE NIGHT
7. WEAR RED LIPSTICK
Red lipstick means business. I personally, wouldn't be caught dead at the letterbox without my red lipstick on...but that's just me!
8. GET DRUNK & MAKE A PORNO
Oh my god. The fun, the laughter, the fucking. And if you're really brave, you could upload it to Pornhub or Redtube. Making homemade pornos is a blast!
9. HIRE A FIVE-STAR HOTEL ROOM, ORDER ROOM SERVICE, WATCH IN-HOUSE MOVIES & FUCK LIKE RABBITS
I like sex in hotels better than at places of residence. It's a neutral space. Usually there's always some good fucking to be had... And it seems more special. Obviously that 'specialness' is contrived but who cares?
10. GIVE HIM A DEEPTHROAT BLOWJOB USING COCONUT OIL & SWALLOW HIS CUM
You know what they say? Blowjobs are like flowers for men. I wrote an article about my love of deepthroat, you can read it here.
11. INSTEAD OF GIVING HIM A VALENTINE'S DAY CARD, GIVE HIM A SEX COUPON, WHICH ENTITLES HIM TO ANY SEX ACT HE WANTS
You can purchase a book of sex coupons at all sex shops or you can customise and download great ones online. Or why not make your own vouchers on your pc, then print them out?
12. WEAR YOUR SEXIEST LINGERIE
It's time to lose your grundies, grandma-pants and trackie dacks and exchange them for some lacy, feminine lingerie. Some of the online vintage stores sell beautiful 1940/1950 style pieces. They're just gorgeous!
13. LET HIM PENETRATE YOU VAGINALLY WITH A VIBRATOR
Toy play with a partner is so much fun. Don't let him have sex with you until he's given you 782 orgasms.
14. DON'T WEAR PANTIES
I haven't worn panties for 20 years. I hate underwear. I hate the look of underwear under dresses and skirts. I wore g-strings for a while but who needs their arse flossed!
I prefer a bit of breeze. It can be quite erotic for a guy to put his hand under your dress and find you knickerless -- try it!
15. SEND HIM FILTHY TEXT MESSAGES & SELFIES ALL DAY
Why not start the foreplay via text and multi-media messages on the morning of the 14th? And by the night....(well if you're worth your salt at the art of tease, he should be putty in your hands).
16. BECOME HIS SLAVE OR MASTER FOR THE ENTIRETY OF V-DAY
This one is so much fun! Meow
17. SPEND THE WHOLE DAY IN BED TOGETHER, ONLY LEAVING TO GET SCOFFS FROM THE FRIDGE
These kind of days are just the best, are they not? And you can prepare the room with fresh satin sheets, champagne on ice, oysters, aromatherapy oils. Yep, I've just sold it to myself. Thank you very much. :)
18. TAKE OUT THE TRASH
This will give him a boner for sure!
19. LET HIM HAVE YOUR ARSE
20. DITCH VALENTINE'S DAY, COMMERCIALISM & CONSUMERISM & INSTEAD GET SEXY WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT RATHER THAN WHEN YOU'RE TOLD TO BY LARGE CONGLOMERATES
Don't be dictated to. And don't listen to sex-bloggers who try and tell you what to do for Valentine's Day!
My name is Vanessa de Largie and I'm the sex-columnist at Maxim Magazine. The Victress is my sex blog. You won't find political correctness or romantic bullshit here.