If you follow my Huff Post sex-blog and The Victress -- you would be well aware how much I write about penises and fellatio. Well, today I thought I'd slide off the beaten cock and talk about cunnilingus instead.
I love being eaten but the problem is, very few people have the skill. I think I've found three guys and one woman in the last fifteen years who actually know how to eat my cunt and make me scream. (One of the guys has since got married - ugh - what a waste of cuntlicking-talent.).
It seems that people can be lazy when it comes to oral sex. (This goes for both fellatio and cunnilingus.) I spent much of my late teens and early twenties enduring 'wham-bam-thankyou-Ma'am' sex. When I departed girlhood and became a woman -- I nipped that in the bud real quick.
I'm not a vessel mate! If you just want to unload -- have a wank! I'm The Squirting Princess (see article) and I deserve attention and pleasure.
There's something amazing about being a woman in her 30's -- for me anyway. I know my body, I know my clit and I know what gets me off.
Getting to know myself through masturbation and toys has definitely made my sex-life better. Every time I masturbate I orgasm and every time I have sex, I orgasm. I have mastered my beautiful cunt. Orgasms aren't optional!
When I was 18, I was the passenger in sex -- I went along for the ride. At 38-years-young...It's more like.... "THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING". :-) :-)
It's good to note that the clitoris is the only human organ designed entirely for pleasure. So many partners spend their time licking between the lips and although that feels lovely. One really needs to get that tongue flicking at the clit -- which is up the top, front and centre.
I'm bisexual but I have a fetish for giving blowjobs. Eating pussy -- I'm not as good at and I admit it. I find it much more physically tiring than dealing with a penis. So I do understand how some people never excel -- I'm one of them.
If you haven't heard of conceptual artist Sophia Wallace who created the term 'cliteracy' and did a wonderful Ted Talk. I urge you to google her work and watch the video. She's an incredible human being and artist.
I'm sexually intimate with men more than women. So I'm going to focus on cunnilingus with male partners for just a moment.
I've spent much of my life on my knees giving head. I do it because I love to do it. I love giving men pleasure. But sometimes you boys need to lift your game and not be so selfish. Women deserve pleasure too.
So get down there and lick it, cos it ain't gonna lick itself, as they say...!
My name is Vanessa de Largie and I'm the sex-columnist at Maxim Magazine. The Victress is my sex blog. You won't find political correctness or romantic bullshit here.