I'm a woman who loves double penetration and I make no apologies. There's nothing more pleasurable than having my pussy and anus pounded simultaneously by two hard cocks.
Unfortunately, DP is a sexual act that is rarely discussed. Just type it into Google and all you will find are links to porn-clips. Where are the articles? Why isn't this topic being discussed?
I was 19 when I was first double-teamed. To say that I was overwhelmed is an understatement. At that point in time, I was unaware that sexual pleasure could reach such heights.
I'm now in my 30s and have been DP'd numerous times. Why?
Because double penetration is the epitome of joy. It turns out that this sexual act is an orgasm factory. Whilst they grind away at my orifices, I advance towards euphoria in a clouded daze.
I've decided to share my merriment below.
PARTY OF THREE:
A woman's body is the venue for double penetration. Her pussy and arsehole are the party-snacks. As a bloke -- all you have to do is RSVP and bring-your-own erection.
Being chock-a-block-with-cock is the biggest turn-on. Your entire lower-body feels full to the brim. Once you have a penis in each orifice -- you’re not going anywhere. You’re at the mercy of two wolves who will hammer you unapologetically. It’s like being the prey of savages.
FULL BODY ORGASMS:
DP is a first-class flight to Utopia. My thighs start shaking. My cunt starts dripping. My breath hastens and suddenly I’m squirting all over my intruders.
Usually the vaginal orgasms fire first, followed by the anal orgasms. I quite literally lose my mind -- you can see my brains sliding down the wall. There’s a violence about the pleasure of DP. It rips through your body like an electric current and all you can do is go with it -- until it concludes.
THE HUMAN DOUBLE-ADAPTOR
Pleasuring my sexual partners is of the utmost importance. There is nothing more arousing than hearing the moans of the two men who are currently plugged in. I’m yet to come across a man whose mind doesn’t dissolve to mush whilst participating in this act.
As a woman who is pro-dp, it disappoints me that this act has been left in the dark.
Shouldn’t we be discussing double penetration in a sex-positive way?
Shouldn’t we be promoting the orgasms DP causes for both genders?
I suggest all men and women try DP -- if only once. Below are my personal rules when it comes to the act:
Hopefully I’ve moistened your orifices and hardened your cocks. I’ll see you on the other side!
I love to inhale cock. I gag and I swallow.
But the wolves who receive my harvest -- are the wolves who munch on my minge. Minge-munching is an artform. It’s about diving in and getting soiled. It’s about munching so vigorously -- that she asphyxiates you with her thighs.
My kitty-cage is not a place where you can dump your junk -- then leave. It needs a pat. It needs your undivided attention. Eating pussy is a necessity in the land of fuck. It’s an invisible obligation. Master the cunt and you’ve mastered the woman. It’s simple maths.
Do you want to fuck a porn-star or a mattress with arms and legs? Blokes who don’t munch are doomed for the latter. Today I’m going to get my fingers wet and delve deeper into the pussy. Real fucking deep. Soaking deep. Meow.
SMELL AND TASTE
Minge-munching should be a fine-dining experience. A bloke likes to sample the best poultry and seafood Down Under. When a woman eats clean and has good hygiene -- a five-star seal of approval usually follows. When a restaurant establishes an exemplary hygiene rating. The pussy-taste-testers spread the word.
NEVER SPRINKLE ROSE PETALS ON A MAN’S SCAMPI
Note to all women: Pheromones are what allure wolves to your honey-pot not chemical sanitation. There’s only one place for fragranced vaginal sprays and that’s in the rubbish bin. Because a cunt is a cunt is a cunt.
Do you know what women want? They want to see you soiled in their pussy-juice. They want to watch you having fun in the sandpit. So get out your bucket and spade and play. Get drowned. Get busy.
When I suck a dick, I literally get engulfed by my own saliva. Men don’t have to guess if I’m enjoying myself -- it’s very obvious. Make it OBVIOUS to us. Wear ‘our shine’ on your eyebrows. Parade our scent.
MINGE-MUNCHING IS TIRING
Yep, eating pussy is exhausting. But so is deepthroating a 10-inch-cock. So what’s your point? Good sex is a collaboration. It’s not one-sided. So stop being a pussy and get the job done.
FINGERS, LIPS, TONGUE, NOSE - ACTION!
If you want to be the ‘cunnilingus-king’ this side of the London post-office -- then I suggest you pull out all stops to excel. Fuck her pussy with your fingers. Motor-lick her clit until her legs are shaking. And don’t stop until she is pulling your head into her muff for her final release.
SLAUGHTER THOSE TINGLES INTO QUIET
Usually after clitoral orgasms via cunnilingus or masturbation -- women will crave a g-spot orgasm to slaughter those tingles into quiet. You’ve done the hard yakka and now it’s time to fuck her mercilessly. Don’t hold back! #happyhappyjoyjoy #cuntlovingmen #thebigO
Here’s to the men of the world who love to eat pussy. You are kings. May your souls find a place in heaven and may your penises find a thousand sluts.
My name is Vanessa de Largie and I'm the sex-columnist at Maxim Magazine. The Victress is my sex blog. It's a space where I can explore my ferocious sexual fantasies - unapologetically.